...for the longest time.

Brownies for Kisses

2006-02-07T18:36:00.000-06:00

Today I was offered kisses as payment for a pan of brownies that I, as yet, have not baked.

After some angry contemplation, I have decided that both this offer, and my initial temptation to accept, cheapen the reason why I ever baked the brownies in the first place. I fear that my motives have become tainted with selfishness. I bake so I can share with others. I belive it is wrong of me to expect some form of payment, or any thanks at all even, in return. That goes against the principles on which I live my life.

Money Laundering and Men from Nigeria

2006-02-04T13:27:00.000-06:00

I went to the public library to check my email after work yesterday. I had several of those emails I referred to in an earlier post, saying I had received a message on one of my personal ads. No longer as excited as I used to be, I clicked the link and signed in. I was shocked to see that I in fact had 15!!!! The first one said that he saw my profile and was just sure we were perfect for each other, and if I would chat with him, I would see it too. Except for one small detail, he said. HE LIVES IN NIGERIA!!! What!!! NIGERIA! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! So I looked up his profile, I thought he was joking. No such luck! He was single, 98 lbs., and looking for love.-from NIGERIA!!! I went back to my mailbox and noticed that he had sent me the exact same email 5 times. My next message was short, and simply said he was looking for the woman of his dreams, and would like to chat with me. I looked up his profile. GHANA!!! I wish I was kidding!! GHANA!?! I almost burst out laughing, except I realized I was at the library, and people were already staring at me. As I continued through the mailbox, the next one I came to was from BERUIT! These men must really like America! Next was a different guy from Nigeria. My next message was a part time job opportunity from a Latvian textile company that wanted to send me cash in the mail and I would be paid to turn the cash into cashier's checks, and send them back to Latvia. I know that this is both money laundering and ILLEGAL!! By this point I am beside my self with disbelief, and eccstatic that I have something funny to blog about. I am also not done yet. The last message was from a guy in Germany, who insisted that he was intelligent and had command of the English language. I should have been impressed, but not so much. Apparently this is what it has come to. Luckily, I have not set my heart on finding love online. Although if I was interested in online matrimony, I would need to brush up on my Swahili.

Jonny's Pirate fact of the day: The "pirate flag" is called the Jolly Rogger!

Girl Weekend

2006-02-04T13:12:00.000-06:00

(This is going to be short because I waited too long to tell the story, I apologize.)I had an amazing weekend recently. Kara, Bethany, and I took a mystery road trip to Bloomington. Basically, I went through a life change in 24 hours. I think this was the intention of the trip, but I can't be sure. Anyway, I've decided to go back to school. I also like myself a little bit more. And I am trying to take better care of myself. My outlook on life is slightly less depressing now. I do want to reassure my readers that I will still try to be funny, just not as self depracating any more. It really doesn't solve any of my problems if I just make fun of them. On the other hand, I can't deny that humor is my defense mechanism. This is a delicate balance that I will try to maintain.

Bethany's List of Things Not to Do

2006-01-24T19:26:00.000-06:00

Today I realized that my mental list of "Things not to do" needed to be revised and extended. For the sake of my readers(all 5 of you), and for the sake of comedic education, I will post my list here.

Things Not to Do

Leaving your phone number for the cute waiter-this is more embarrassing than helpful because they never call, and whomever you were with when you left it will ask you for at least a week if "that guy from the restaurant" ever called you.
NEVER, NEVER call any guy who uses the tubes at the bank drive-up to give you his number-this one should be obvious.
Paying for weight loss- it's YOUR fat! Maybe someone should pay you to lose it.
Falling for a guy you can't have and a city you'll never live in at the same time-OUCH!! Double whammy!!
Let old guys take you for a ride in thier midlife-crisis corvette -let me just say that this leads to all kinds of trouble 'nuf said.
Get involved with guys whose names start with the letter "J" -I am planning an entire post dedicated to this one alone-coming soon.
Going on a blind date with a guy who won't tell you his REAL first name- there is a reason he is not telling you, and you probably don't want to know what it is. In my case his real name was Courtney.
Believing someone you meet online when they tell you communicating with them will be "the best decision you ever made"-he is lying to you.

So there you have it. Please note that this is a list of things that I have personally found to be detrimental to my own state of sanity. This is not a list for everyone to follow, otherwise there would be an overflow of men named Jeremy who would never get dates, and that wouldn't be fair.

Here is another good piece of advice, but it didn't quite make the list!

Spontaneous Evening

2006-01-21T14:48:00.000-06:00

The other day, I came to the realization that it has been over a year and a half since I have been on a date. That is 79 weekends, but it's not like I'm counting.
My most recent obsession is internet personals. They fascinate me. You type in some general information about yourself, add a picture and Presto!! ,you are ready to rock! I think I have done this on about a million websites- in the last week alone. It really is that easy.
So, there's my picture and a brief summary of my indescribable personality, just floating around in cyber-space....and you know what happens? NOTHING!!! Nothing happens. For like a week. But then, I get that email, that glimmering ray of hope, the one that says "You have a new message from a potential match!" I get excited and click the link, holding my breath. The message says "I saw your picture, you look like someone who knows what she wants. Email me if you're interested"-except he used the word "your" instead of "you're" and he misspelled "look" and "someone" and "knows" and "me". Exhaling in dissapointment, I give his spelling the benefit of the doubt and I check out his profile. We have NOTHING in common!!! Not one tiny thing! I send him a courtesy "Thanks, but no thanks" response before I permanantly delete his message from my mailbox.
Mere moments later two friends and I head off on a spontaneous road trip to Champaign/Urbana to enjoy the nightlife in another city. I had a blast! I donned my sparkliest(if that is even a real word) outfit, complete with aqua glitter covered heels, and we hit the road. About 15 minutes into our trip, it started to rain. It rained the whole way there. When we reached our destination, Kara looked in the trunk and found two umbrellas and a jacket with a hood. I took the jacket, it was cold and I was too fashion-minded to bring my own. We only had to walk a block to the coffee house, but did I mentoin that it was raining? The wind turned both umbrellas inside out instantly. It was the funniest thing that happened the whole night. Kara and Elizabeth were both wrestling with the umbrellas, and all three of us were getting soaked! When we got inside I ordered the biggest, hottest, most caffeinated drink they offered. It was the best night of my year so far.